The Fast

During my fast, which has been ongoing for the past four weeks (where I take no solid food during daylight and only one meal per day after 4:00 PM), I needed to ask God questions about the direction of my life generally and ministry particularly because King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:16 that “your gift will make room for you.” I received revelation  slowly like a newly lighted candle whose flame flickers and wavers weakly before finally illuminating the room in a triumphant burst of flame. As it has to do with denying my gifts. 

   When I was 19-years-old, in the streets, but still struggling to finish school, I attempted to enlist in the US Navy. The recruiter, a sharp, cool, young black twenty something year old petty officer took me to Phlly to take my Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB). When the result returned the recruiter was stunned. And he told me that my score was through the roof. He said with the score I had achieved, “you can take the GED,” which would allow you to enter service as an E-1. 

   Mercer County Community College (NJ) scheduled walk-in GED for well-prepared applicants. I walked in and sat impatiently for the four hour test. The Navy did not enlist me because of atopic dermatitis (common eczema), which it considered an “incurable disease.” But four months later I received  very thin letter from New Jersey Department of Education. I ripped it open to only see the words “congratulations” before hitting the proverbial roof again. I literally walked into college and passed my GED with no preparation after being out of high school for one year. 

   I immediately enrolled in Mercer County Community College but was transient, unprepared, and eventually left. But not before taking another vocational aptitude battery that could have changed the course of my life. It was called SIGI (System of Integrated Guidance and Information), which if I had the maturity, discipline, and discernment to take full advantage of the information it provided, it would have changed the course of my life. 

   When I took the assessment, it returned six results. All were human service professions that I have done -- and done well. And I have advanced degrees in associated areas. But I strayed from the path God set for me. And I crashed and burned so many times, I ought to be little more than an ember. 

   But God is merciful. God is good, and I write this with tears welling in my eyes, because as he slowly revealed where I had deviated from the path he had set for me, he showed me that even now as I prepare to enter my sixth decade on this earth, I can still do his work. The final revelation of that guidance was made plain as I was contemplating returning to work full-time.    

   The closest major city has a job training and counseling program. I reached out to the executive director. And she graciously shared some information that would answer my prayers. Those that know me, know that I have advanced degrees in social and behavioral science. But I have no certification or licensure, which to the layman may be irrelevant but to hiring managers is an all important certification of one’s skill sets. 

   So, I have never, ever been able to trade upon my education. And I delved into areas where I had developed demonstrable skill sets. But I knew intuitively was not what God wanted me to do. 

   And I became depressed, despondent, and discouraged. Because I could not figure out a way to bridge the pernicious skills gap hindering me from realizing my potential. The flyer that the director provided me clearly pointed me in the correct direction, though. One that was clearly ordained. I mean I never felt anything so strongly. 

   And it had several short, certification programs that I was overqualified to take. But one stood out like a beacon in the fog:  “Chemical Dependency Counselor.” It was the elusive credential I needed as a capstone for my advanced degrees. If offered certification at the AAS level or as a certificate program. 

   More importantly, it offered certification eventually leading to all-important “licensure,” if an applicant has a degree in the required subject areas (which I do), and does the required internship, which you are paid to take. It means I would be eligible for medical reimbursement and could literally open my own practice…

   I remain on my quest for other more personal reasons. But I wanted to briefly share this aspect of ‘the fast’ publicly to encourage others who are struggling with difficult challenges. If you are physically capable: you have no chronic medical issues that may be aggravated by fasting. I suggest that you do it. Deny yourself. Crucify (detoxify) your body. Little food, lots of prayer. No sex, no alcohol, no weed, no drugs, no fusing, fighting or negativity. Let your focus be on almighty God. And he will answer your prayer(s).

   To those that deny the existence of God. Let this serve as a testament to his existence.